It is said that 80-90% of the rapes taking place are not reported to police, most of the victims may not be able to say what they’ve been put thru or to seek help for it. To live with the grief, the lack of talks and discussion, the impossibility to get the help needed is hard. Imagine: often the person being raped knows the person who rapes, it could be a colleague at work, a school mate or a person you live with. The person being raped may ask for help indirectly for other reasons like headaches, pain, depression or sleep problems but, imagine: usually you do not dare to say you were raped.
In many cases the act of talking about these problems leads to many other violences, by the person itself, by people close and by society. Imagine: that you've been put through sexual violence and on that have the shame inside, the fear of others seeing you as a sinful person. The struggle, to prove for yourself that it’s not your fault. And the struggle towards others, to prove it’s not your fault. Besides the fear of getting questioned and that your proof will not be valid in the meeting with court or authorities.
The fears and struggles are shared, but also looks different, in different countries and societies, different within countries and societies and different for different people. I want to point out that the struggle and fears could be even harder in cases when society in total easily puts blame and shame on victims of abuse - call it culture or structure - where there is less possibilities to have an education and where groups of people rather blame the victim than the perpetrator - call it injustice or inequality. This is more openly marked in some places on earth, more hidden in others. Like when not having sex before marriage is very important, or when patriarchy is stronger than humanity...Imagine: if you are raped in a society where trust and equality do not lead, you might be stoned or burned, you might be told you are a piece of shame for the family, you might lose your friends, you might lose the possibility to grow a future.
There are many faults in social systems, many misunderstandings of human rights, many reasons why people being assaulted prefer to not report to police or discuss it with people. Shame is one, and shame is not only a big society problem in poor or conflict-ridden countries, but even in countries like Great Britain, Germany, Sweden, France... The crimes around sexual violence strikes everywhere and in every level of society. In different forms, of this we need to know.
There is no single theory which can explain why rapists commit rape, they have different reasons, traditional gender roles and a man dominating society are probably one strong factor linked to these cases. Imagine: the norm of being strong, powerful, and the norm that says that a man is a man when in power - that can give perpetrators the urge of proudly talk about how they raped someone. The link to use one's power to oppress another is easy to see. The urge of playing a role where the identity is formed by the way you mistreat people, see other human beings as possessions. The link to colonisation is not hard to see, the link to patriarchy and war filled man roles is obvious. I don’t think the act of rape or abuse is about having sex, it is to manifest your power by putting other people down. Imagine: to fill the shoes formed with a sick society and history, where value of human beings are unequal and damaged, damaging. The number, 80-90%, that’s how many of the rapes taking place that are not reported to police. This crime is possible to continue also because the society around have not enough knowledge, that not enough actions are taking place, to few of these cases are getting reported. This needs to be changed.
I think to rape someone is the worst thing that anyone can do, it is like creating a very big fear in people's heart which can never be deleted. Imagine: the many people carrying this fears and scars without the possibility to tell, as a painful secret. These many people who will always have a struggle inside to win life, to win themselves back from fear. In this we need to change the roles being played bad among people, in this we need knowledge, in this we need to talk.